12 Days of Christmas Music, part 1: baby it's creepy outside

It's a tradition for my wife and I, pretty much starting Thanksgiving day, to tune all radios to the holiday music stations and leave them locked.  I'm not sure why, but probably since we adore the holidays, our brains have adapted to tolerate the otherwise mind-numbing repetition of the 60 or so songs that play this time of year.  (I'll have to add it to my list of superpowers)
Not that I'm not sick of some of the songs (especially the one that talks about telling "scary ghost stories' at Christmas), but most have their charm and I listen away.
Now, Baby it's cold outside is a different story.
The concept is cute enough - I won't say innocent enough - Guy wants girl to stay the night, she's willing, but needs nudging, convincing or at least a plausable way to deny to friends, family and coworkers she's not a skank.  And if executed right, it could be a fantastic kind of Rat Pack throwback song.  If executed right.
Which it never is!
But damned if everyone, since the movie Elf came out, isn't trying to bring it back and make it work.  The problem is, everything in this song must come together perfectly or it comes off just plain creepy.
Problem 1: "Say, what's in this drink?"  Yep, it's hard to update a standard when some of the lyrics clearly imply date rape!  It's 2008, for Santa's sake.  The lyric might as well be, "Hey, how'd I get here?  Who the hell are you?"   Baby there's roofies in there.
Problem 2: This girl has some nosy friends, neighbors and family.  Nott to mention that she apparently lives at home with her parents, brother and sister.  What the Hell!  How old is this girl?!
Problem 3:The guy.  He needs to be unassuming, ("hey, it's cool if you go girl, but neither of us wants that") kinda cocky, and charming with an eyedropper dose of innocent.  Instead, we get guys like  Tom Jones bringing a whole new meaning to lecherous and creepy.  Or we get emo guys who sound too whiny; like that sympathy date who doesn't want his one chance (which he blew hours ago) to end.  You can hear him whine, "but baybeeee, it's cooooold outside... please ... I just want to hold you ..."  some guys get it, but then try to simply act like they're a cool 50s guy.  Brian Setzer, Harry Connic Jr. I'm talking to you!
Problem 4: the pairings.  Why do people think it's cool to pair singers 30-90 years apart in age.  Alan Cumming & Liza Minelli, Michael Buble and Anne Murray, Zooey Deschanel and Leon Redbone (Really? Leon Redbone?!).  Gross, gross, gross!  Even when they're similar in age there's a whole new kind of yuk.  Rod Stewart and Dolly Parton.  Oh God, I don't want to picture those two drunk and gropey by a roaring fire.
Then there's the particularly uncomfortable version by Nick Lachey and Jessica Simpson.  It is painful.  She sounds like she just learned the song through Hooked on Phonics, and listeining to him, you can almost imagine the desperation in his voice as he begged her not to divorce him, "How can you do this thing to me ..."    Makes me shudder.  poor Nick.
Turns out the best version i can find is in the aforementioned Elf.  Not, of course the one on the soundtrack.  That's the creepy one with Leon Freaking Redbone!  The last singer alive who thinks that "ba bababa boo" is still a legitimate song lyric.  But for 45 seconds of the movie there's Zooey Deschanel channeling Ann Margaret, singing in the shower with an impish Will Ferrell almost lazily singing the male lead.  The song is interrupted, when she discovers him, but for a second it's the best version I've heard.  Did they rerecord it for the soundtrack.  No.
But until someone finds me a better version, that's all I've got.
This is why people are depressed during the holidays.

The Golden Age of Hip Hop

All forms of modern music: Country, Punk, Soul, R&B and Pop, have had their different eras, highs and lows, narrow and diverse periods. Country, for example seems to hit this boom every 10 years and then fade until the next one. Hip Hop, while younger, is no different.
Now, I understand ... maybe we all love best the music we remember, but it's hard to argue that any era of Hip Hop had more diversity, more potential for the genre than the few short years of the early 90s. 92-94, to be specific.

By 1992, Rap had shed many of the wannabes. No more Vanilla Ice on the airwaves, no pop superstar had yet stepped into Mc Hammer's glossy shoes. And yet, hip hop was making a bigger impact than ever. And, like never before, (or since) it could be anything it wanted to.

Tribe, De La Soul and Digable Planets on the rap side and US3 and Lucas (with the lid off) on the dance side were fusing hip hop with jazz. Digable planets made a hit just doing straight ol' beebop, and it worked! It was almost too much cool for one song. (Had they spread out the cool, maybe they could have had another hit, I guess)

Setting the stage for the Fugees and the Roots, Arrested Development was unapologetically afrocentric and still loved by all. Seriously. Girls named Dawn, Ashley and Becky were tossing up a fist, singing "Revolution." Maybe they didn't know why, but that was OK. It was too good not to. Who doesn't sing along to "People Everyday?"

Other alternative hip hop groups: Disposable Heroes of Hiphopricy & Me Phi Me brought the straight peaceful message, while the Geto Boys gave us nightmares about Halloween, necrophilia (and later, fax machines).

Some experiments were more um... experimental than others. "Hey let's fuze skate rock and rap!" (Urban Dance Squad), "Hey let's put some bagpipes in it!," "Hey, how about Tammy Wynette!," "Hey, let's all do the Bartman!"

Lighter Shade of Brown and N2Deep were still keeping the latino rap candle lit before it blew out for 12 years. Nice.

New Jack Swing was king. Hail Tony!, Toni!, and Tone'!. Long live SWV, TLC, BBD and the rising queen, Mary J.

C&C Music Factory & their wannabees gave us more hip-hop dance songs than we knew what to do with. And they'll play at weddings for the next 100 years.

Kid & Play had left us, but Heavy D was still around. Rap was party: This is How We Do It, Summertime, Ditty. Rap was soul: This DJ, Back in the Day. It was was Shaking Rumps and Tootsie Rolls. Whoomp! and Whoot! There it was. "I got a man." "I'm not tryin to hear that, see!"

Will Sm-Ahem! The Fresh Prince was its jester. Public Enemy was its conscience.

Before Limp Bizkit nearly killed it and before Linkin Park perfected it, the Judgement Night soundtrack gave Rap-Rock one good solid try. And it wasn't too bad.

Tupac Shakur was just beginning what would become his opus. And the former NWA were beginning to take over Hip Hop as single artists and producers. And then, there was this Snoop Dog guy ...

Dre., Snoop, an every angrier 2Pac. They were a blessing and a curse. Because before gangsta rap took over. Before it became a parody of itself. before hip hop all sounded the same; it sounded completely different! For three, maybe four good years. And then poof!

There was still great stuff. Outkast, Missy, Wu Tang ... but the variety ... the chance for Hip Hop to be anything it wanted ... left the building. For a decade. Maybe more.

Around 2004, producers like Pharrel and the Neptunes, Cee-lo, and Kanye, came back to remind us what Rap had the potential to be before hip hop once again decended into the shallow end of the pool. Back to random thugged out 20 years olds and one-note booty jams.

It's OK to like Green Day!

So the album Dookie comes out in 1994. And many of us - most of us hear Green Day for the first time.

It sounds like nothing on the radio for the past three years and that is something of a relief. The DJ tells me it's got that "punk sound and punk attitude." I'm 18, sure what do I know. "OK It's punk." It's fun, it's good in that simple chord, offbeat, slightly vulgar, rebellious lyrics kind of way; and I immediately imagine what people my age must have thought when the Beastie Boys first came out.

Song after song after song comes out. Song after song kicks ass.

And that 's the problem. After solid albums, over and over, the haters started to come out of the woodwork.

"I never liked Green Day"
"Oh yeah, me neither bro, It's not real punk."
"Oh my God I know, like whatever happened to like the ... Clash, or the, um ... Ramones."
"Word."

Word. There you have it. Going strong for a decade now. Hipsters, music pseudo-intellectuals, "true punk" fans ... have been talking themselves out of liking Green Day. Where is the fun in that? Honestly, I ask you is there a good reason for you not to love the band? Maybe. Here are the arguments.

Accusation: They are not punk.

Answer: Dude, they're more punk than you are. For that matter, so are the Go-Gos, Blondie and Billy Idol. Because if you're clinging to some sort of old school punk rocker status, you'd better be in your mid to late 40s and not a twentysomething who walked into a Hot Topic to round out your wardrobe.

This is a band that was part of the late 80s Berkely punk scene formed in the wake of Bad Religion and included bands like Rancid, Isocracy and the Lookouts. (I choose not to mention the Offspring as it may hurt my argument.)

They cut their chops playing "real" punk. And got a record deal from it. Does that make them sellouts?

Accusation: They are sellouts.

Answer: Well, yes, probably. And selling out isn't punk. It's the opposite. I get that, man. But let's get back to the first answer.

I offer up a couple of lyrics from Billy Joe and the bunch from the Warning album.

"Is the cop or am I the one that's really dangerous?

Sanitation, expiration date, question everything

Or shut up and be a victim of authority"

"I want to be the minority

I don't need your authority

Down with the moral majority'

Cause I want to be the minority"

These are punk lyrics. Plain and simple. The rhyme scheme is Thirdgradian, the message is angry, it's anti-establishment. The song is catchy. The song. Is catchy.

And that's the real problem. Green Day is too damn catchy to be punk. They aren't alienating people with their sound. They are pulling people in who may never have heard a Stooges song.

Poor guys, they've got their punk sensibility and the mainstream success.

Does that make them irrelevant?

Accusation: They are irrelevant.

Answer: It's been 20 years and they're not just as good as before, they're arguably better. Politically, musically relevant. Whether you bought into the whole concept album idea of American Idiot or not, it's hard to argue that the songs don't work on their own.

Green Day creates an involuntary response. The jerky, punky head nod. It's the drums, the guitars that smash each chord with the beat. It's obnoxious in how addicting it is. Keep hating if you like, but try to get all the way through Holiday without moving your head. Besides, they pass the ultimate test.

Can you listen to them in the car? Yes.

That, people, is what relevant is all about.

I picked up their greatest hits a few months ago, and it turns out that's like 21 songs of head bouncing greatness. I never skipped a single track. Am I the only one? It can't be!

It's OK to like them, it really is. And you know you want to. You know you love to sing along to When I Come Around with a little sneer on your face. Crunch out air guitar to Brain Stew, singing along with that clipped "I have a severe sinus cold" Billy Joe Armstrong style, ("on my own, here we go ..." which sounds like "Obayo howae-gow" when he sings it)

You don't even have to call them punk. Just jam out.

It's OK to like Green Day. And that's really it. Because they are still relevant after 15 years of popularity. They aren't Aerosmith, or what passes for Metallica or Van Halen, Journey or the Eagles. They may well be the last great American rock band that still matters.

Punk or not.

Top Fives. Pt. 1

Top Fives Pt 1
Being a huge fan of High Fidelity (book and movie) I never wanted to blog about my top five anything, for fear of looking like a copycat. But damnit, I've always done top fives. We all have. Plus the movie is like 10 years old so without further whining I present:
Pete's top five most "ultimate 80's" songs. These songs more than any others define the decade for me.
5. Pretenders - Don't Get Me Wrong. It's in all the 80s nostalgia movies for a reason. A simple, memorable beat, great vocal performance by Chrissie Hynde. It's very pop for the Pretenders, but their most listenable song by far.
4. Madonna - Material Girl. The song pretty much is the 80s. The dorky, robotic male chanting at the end (Li-ving in a ma-ter-i-al world ...). Love it. The breathy boytoy Madonna's chirps and squeals. Love it. The way she sings it, "Matehrial Gehl." Frickin love it!
3. The Cars - Drive. I love upbeat quirky Cars songs. I love Rick Ocasek Cars songs. This is neither. But Benjamin Orr delivers simple vocals on a ballad track that's like 90% synthesizer and it still rules. It kicks ass even today. Michael Bay would agree. So would Bumblebee.
2. Ah-Ha - Take on me. The song, the video, the one hit wonder status. It smacks of 80s the whole way through. Try to make an 80s compilation without it. It's the only song I know to make people play air keyboard. Also, if you don't yet know it's "I'll be gone ... in a day or twooooooooooo."
1. Tears for Fears - Everybody Wants to Rule the World. At once upbeat and relaxed, optomistic but still a little haunting, the song is complex, easy to sing along to and features the greatest guitar solo at the end - and you barely even notice it's there.

That's my list. Agree? Disagree? Got one of your own? Please share.
Honorable mention: Don't stop believin, Wake me up before you go-go, Pour some sugar on me, Beat it, Modern love