It's a tradition for my wife and I, pretty much starting Thanksgiving day, to tune all radios to the holiday music stations and leave them locked. I'm not sure why, but probably since we adore the holidays, our brains have adapted to tolerate the otherwise mind-numbing repetition of the 60 or so songs that play this time of year. (I'll have to add it to my list of superpowers)
Not that I'm not sick of some of the songs (especially the one that talks about telling "scary ghost stories' at Christmas), but most have their charm and I listen away.
Now, Baby it's cold outside is a different story.
The concept is cute enough - I won't say innocent enough - Guy wants girl to stay the night, she's willing, but needs nudging, convincing or at least a plausable way to deny to friends, family and coworkers she's not a skank. And if executed right, it could be a fantastic kind of Rat Pack throwback song. If executed right.
Which it never is!
But damned if everyone, since the movie Elf came out, isn't trying to bring it back and make it work. The problem is, everything in this song must come together perfectly or it comes off just plain creepy.
Problem 1: "Say, what's in this drink?" Yep, it's hard to update a standard when some of the lyrics clearly imply date rape! It's 2008, for Santa's sake. The lyric might as well be, "Hey, how'd I get here? Who the hell are you?" Baby there's roofies in there.
Problem 2: This girl has some nosy friends, neighbors and family. Nott to mention that she apparently lives at home with her parents, brother and sister. What the Hell! How old is this girl?!
Problem 3:The guy. He needs to be unassuming, ("hey, it's cool if you go girl, but neither of us wants that") kinda cocky, and charming with an eyedropper dose of innocent. Instead, we get guys like Tom Jones bringing a whole new meaning to lecherous and creepy. Or we get emo guys who sound too whiny; like that sympathy date who doesn't want his one chance (which he blew hours ago) to end. You can hear him whine, "but baybeeee, it's cooooold outside... please ... I just want to hold you ..." some guys get it, but then try to simply act like they're a cool 50s guy. Brian Setzer, Harry Connic Jr. I'm talking to you!
Problem 4: the pairings. Why do people think it's cool to pair singers 30-90 years apart in age. Alan Cumming & Liza Minelli, Michael Buble and Anne Murray, Zooey Deschanel and Leon Redbone (Really? Leon Redbone?!). Gross, gross, gross! Even when they're similar in age there's a whole new kind of yuk. Rod Stewart and Dolly Parton. Oh God, I don't want to picture those two drunk and gropey by a roaring fire.
Then there's the particularly uncomfortable version by Nick Lachey and Jessica Simpson. It is painful. She sounds like she just learned the song through Hooked on Phonics, and listeining to him, you can almost imagine the desperation in his voice as he begged her not to divorce him, "How can you do this thing to me ..." Makes me shudder. poor Nick.
Turns out the best version i can find is in the aforementioned Elf. Not, of course the one on the soundtrack. That's the creepy one with Leon Freaking Redbone! The last singer alive who thinks that "ba bababa boo" is still a legitimate song lyric. But for 45 seconds of the movie there's Zooey Deschanel channeling Ann Margaret, singing in the shower with an impish Will Ferrell almost lazily singing the male lead. The song is interrupted, when she discovers him, but for a second it's the best version I've heard. Did they rerecord it for the soundtrack. No.
But until someone finds me a better version, that's all I've got.
This is why people are depressed during the holidays.
No comments:
Post a Comment